Give Me a Reason to Let Go
by Newbie-0.0Q
Summary: Give me a reason to let go the one that once loved me so much. Give me a reason to move on and forget the special person that I love so much. What hurts most is even though you aren't around; you are still in my heart. Now tell me, how can I say goodbye?


Give Me a Reason to Let Go

**Author's Note: Hi everyone! It's been a while since I've written anything, and well, what can I say? I'm a Newbie with no writing talent! Can you blame me? xD Anyways, I do have my writing moments, and this is one of them lol! I started out planning to write about 2,000 words or so, but it somehow spirals into 8,000+ words so really if anyone that is reading this and thinks they suck at writing, don't because you will get your moment. xP **

**I will like to thank xxxkia for encouraging me to write this by telling me it's good. Yes I'm a shameless Newbie, all you have to do to get me to write is to say this is good stuff and I'll do it...once that moment comes though...or else I'm a lazy lazy LAZY Newbie...but once again can you blame me? :)**

**Anyways go read the story! Oh it's an AU story, just saying, in case the story confuses anyone...but if you consider this as not an AU no worries ^^v**

**Oh wait I forgot, well almost forgot because you can't really forget this but really this is tedious however I don't wanna get sue or worst...not allowed to write or post stories so... :(**

**Disclaimer: Remember! I don't own Big Time Rush or anything that is related to the show or anything that is related to real life.**

**Happy Reading!**

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><p><em>I love you…. I love you…. I love you….<em>

All that I can think of is that I love you. There isn't any way to express how much I love you but by saying I love you, no matter how many times it takes for these three beautiful words to sink in. I'll say it in front of your face every time I see you; I'll call your cell phone and tell you every time I get through to you; I'll text you, I'll email you, I'll tweet you, I'll facebook you, I'll do whatever it takes to let you know that I love you.

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><p>Logan Mitchell glances at his phone for the fiftieth time in the past hour. He has left at least ten voice messages on his boyfriend Kendall Knight's cell phone. He looks at the phone, his fingers itching to touch the blank screen of his Iphone, anxious for it to ring. His fingers slowly wrap around the phone, picking it up and pressing the home screen button and sighs when he sees nothing.<p>

_No missed calls, no texts, no emails, no tweets, no updates. Nothing. Just nothing._

Tears well up in his eyes; bringing a shine to the dull brown eyes, as he drops the phone on the table. He goes back to staring at his work, trying to figure out how to write the next line of his research paper.

_When glucose goes through GLUT 2, it travels throughout the bloodstream accessing…_

Logan puffs out a breath of frustration, deleting the sentence, and saving his work. He looks at the phone again, slowly resting his head on the table, his hair brushing over the keyboard. No matter how much he wants to focus on his paper, he just can't ignore the urge to call Kendall.

He stands up and walks out of his room, not forgetting to take his phone with him, and walking towards the kitchen. It is 8pm at night and Logan still hasn't eaten yet, hoping Kendall will call him and join him for dinner. He searches through the fridge for something to eat, finding nothing; he decides to make his own dinner. He sets out the ingredients, pouring them together and mixing them until it is ready to be put into the oven. He throws the casserole into the oven and slams the door close before whipping his phone out and dialling Kendall's number.

_Beep…Beep…Beep…Hey you've reached me Kendall Knight, leave a message and I'll get back to you when I can. No promises though. See ya!_

Logan sighs, having reach Kendall's voice message center again.

"Hey Kendall, I'm making your favourite casserole. You know if you haven't eaten yet, you can always come back for a bite. Come home soon, I love you…" Logan says before hitting the end button.

The timer hums as Logan sets the table, waiting for Kendall to come home. Half an hour past, and the casserole is ready to eat, yet Kendall never called back. He decides to wait a little longer, playing with his phone, checking out his voice mail, text messages, twitter, Facebook, and every other social networking application installed. His stomach growls, the sound echoing throughout the quiet house, and that's when he realize that it's almost 10pm and the casserole has turn cold. He whines in annoyance as his stomach urges him to eat. He looks at his phone one last time before getting up and reheats his food. He eats his dinner in silence as a single tear falls from his eyes, his throat occasionally choking on his food. He forces his last bite down, follow by a drink of water. He gets up and washes the dishes, disposing the rest of the untouched casserole into the trash.

_He's not coming back… He's never coming back…._

With that in mind, Logan walks back to his room and once again tries to finish his assignment, but not without giving Kendall another text message.

_I love you, please come home._

* * *

><p>Logan wakes up in the middle of the night at the sound of the door slamming shut. He rubs his eyes as he grabs his jacket, wrapping himself with it and walking out to the living room. He sees a tall shadow shuffling in the dark along with something else.<p>

_Kendall? It must be… It has to be… _

A smile spreads across Logan's face as he quickly turns on the light, high hopes to see his Kendall again. The lights turn on and there standing in the middle of the living room is Kendall. Logan gasps at the sight, the light shining on the tall blond's face, reflecting his gorgeous white skin. His beautiful blond hair is messed up, sticking out in all directions yet it still sways perfectly over his eyes. His perfectly toned body glisten under the light.

_Wait… what?_

That's when Logan notices a woman standing in front of Kendall. She slowly lifts Kendall's shirt off, along with hers before kissing Kendall again. Correction, the woman is devouring Kendall like she needs him. They moan at the interaction, Kendall pushing her back towards the couch, attempting to continue more than just kissing.

"Um…Kendall…hey…Kendall….," Logan says, attempting to gain Kendall's attention. But Kendall ignores him, no, not just ignore him, it's like Kendall doesn't even acknowledge Logan's existence, let alone know that Logan is watching as he continues to pleasure the lady under him. Pain surges through Logan's heart as he stares at Kendall, clenching his chest as if he can't breathe, and little by little his hope that Kendall will stop and look at him rips apart until he has nothing to hold on.

"I love you," he says as he shakes his head, willing the tears away as he walks off towards his bedroom, and closing the door, blocking the noise outside.

* * *

><p>Kendall wakes up with the smell of pancakes in the air. His stomach grumbles with hunger, as he lazily lifts an arm away from his chest, and gets off the bed. The woman groans from the sudden movement, as she rubs her eyes, waking up.<p>

"Sweetie, where are you going?" she asks.

"Going to eat breakfast. You should get up too, you're going to be late for work," Kendall replies, kissing the woman's forehead.

She smiles at that gesture, and moves to get ready for work. Kendall puts on a pair of sweat pants and walks out towards the kitchen.

There running around in the kitchen is Logan. The shorter man runs around the kitchen making toast while trying to flip pancakes at the same time. Causally, Kendall walks into the kitchen and pours himself a cup of coffee before sitting at the kitchen table.

"Why are you here?" Kendall asks as he takes a sip of coffee. Logan freezes his movements at the sound of Kendall's voice, and turns around to look at Kendall.

"Hey Kendall, um… I live here?" Logan laughs, as he turns back to the burning pancakes and toast.

"You shouldn't be here Logan. It's over. It's over for a long time now. You and I both know that," Kendall continues, eyes staring at the frantic Logan.

Logan ignores Kendall's words and finishes making breakfast, walking over to serves Kendall his pancakes; adding butter, syrup, honey, strawberries and blueberries on top, just the way Kendall likes it.

"You want some chocolate milk?" Logan asks, as he walks towards the fridge, but Kendall stops him, grabbing his wrist and pulling Logan back, facing him.

"I said it's over Logan! What part of that do you not understand!" Kendall shouts in Logan's face, scaring the black-haired man. Logan stares at Kendall's green eyes, the once familiar gentleness gone, and instead is replaced with rage. His body stiffens, unable to form words, his eyes turning from fright to desperation. Kendall sighs and let's go of Logan, walking back towards his bedroom. He showers and changes, grabbing the woman with him, and walks out the door.

Logan stares at the open door, his mouth hanging open, his body slacking into a chair. He sits there in silence as the clock ticks minute after minute until finally he cracks. He laughs as tears form in his eyes, slowly lifting his tired body up and walking towards the door to close it. His legs go weak the second the door clicks shut, sliding down into a kneeling position.

"I didn't get a chance to say I love you…" Logan mumbles as he flips around and sits on the floor. He brings his knees towards his chest and cuddles into a ball, before letting those crystal clear tears fall down.

* * *

><p>Class end early today and everyone in class starts to pack their things and head towards their next class. James Diamond shifts in his seat, as people move past him, his head bobbing. He suddenly wakes up, surprise that class is over, and almost everyone is gone. He wipes his drool with his shirt sleeve, and turns to his left to look at the person sitting beside him.<p>

"Hey… Logan…," he says as he shakes the boy from his trance.

"…ah…yeah…James," Logan replies as he turns his head to look at the brunette.

"Class is over and you didn't wake me up. What's wrong?" James asks as he gathers his things, doing the same for Logan.

Logan stares at the white board, his mind wandering off again. It isn't until James heaves Logan to his feet does Logan comes back to earth.

"…it's Kendall…he…" Logan starts, as James drags him out of classroom. James stops and turns around to look at Logan's brown eyes. Misery and hurt flashes across Logan's eyes as he looks away from James, moving aside to walk out the door. James follows, unable to find the right words to comfort his best friend. Like this, they walk towards their next class until they reach an empty field. James grabs Logan by the wrist and pulls him into a hug.

"Logan," James starts to say as he tightens his hug, "it's over. Don't you understand? It's been over for three months now. You have to let it go…"

Upon hearing those words, those exact same words that left Kendall's mouth earlier this morning, cause Logan to feel like someone has pierce through Logan's heart with a dagger. He knows, he understands, he denies to believe that is true, yet James, his best friend and brother, tells him he is wrong, he must accept it, he needs to let go.

Logan struggles out of James' arms and looks at the brunette. James' hazel eyes show worry and concern, but Logan just responds with a painful smile.

"James, you'll never understand. I love him. I love him more than I love myself. I just can't move on, I can't let go."

"Logan please. Please try."

"I have, but I couldn't. It hurts more leaving him than staying."

"Logan please consider letting go, you know well enough that he isn't coming back," James says as he grabs Logan's hand.

Logan snaps at James' words, and deep inside his heart, he acknowledges those words, what they stand for, what they mean to him, what Kendall wants. Yet he couldn't let himself to give in and agree with that statement.

"Logan, I…"

Logan tugs his hand out of James' and runs. He has no idea where he is running to, but he runs quickly and furiously towards an unknown destination, giving little care about what James is going to say next.

James looks at Logan running away, seeing how desperate his friend is, and trying to fight for something that will never belong to him ever again.

_Why is he so stubborn? He's slowly dying inside and he still doesn't want to let go…._

James considers running after Logan, yet he chooses to go to their next class, leaving Logan to his thoughts and pains.

* * *

><p>Logan returns home exhausted, his body ready to give in to the awaiting bed inside. He retrieves his key and sticks the cold metal into the keyhole only to have the tip of the key scrap the hole, and bouncing out. He tries again, this time jamming the key into the hole, only to have the key bounce out again.<p>

_I must have taken out the wrong key…_

He rummages through his pockets, finding other keys and trying them all, only to find none of them working.

_He wouldn't, he can't, he mustn't…_

Anxiety builds inside Logan as he tries the keys again just to end with the same result, and he bangs on the door while slamming his right hand on the door bell.

"Kendall! Kendall! KENDALL! I'm locked out! Please open the door! KENDALL!" Logan shouts, as he continues to bang on the door and slam the door bell.

Eventually, Kendall opens the door, his bored green eyes staring at the terrified brown eyes of Logan's.

"Thank goodness, Kendall! None of my keys work and I can't get inside! When did you change the locks?" Logan questions as he grabs his stuff, and moves to walk inside the house. Kendall moves and blocks Logan's way, stopping him from entering.

"Oh, you're back. Wait here, there's no need to come inside," Kendall says coldly, as he turns around and disappears inside.

Logan stands at the doorway, confuse by Kendall's words, only to have the meaning dawn on him as Kendall walks back with two suitcases and a duffel bag.

"Ke…Ken..Kendall…" Logan stutters out as Kendall throws the bags towards Logan, out into the walkway.

"Logan, you have to go. You don't belong here, never is and never will. Now leave," Kendall hisses out, annoyed that he has to end it this way.

"No Kendall you can't!" Logan whines, grabbing Kendall's forearm, tugging it and turning Kendall to face him.

"You can't Kendall please!"

"No Logan I can."

"But this is my home."

"It isn't anymore."

"But _why_, Kendall, why?"

Kendall flings Logan's hands off of him, glaring at the crying boy.

"Because I can't have an ex-boyfriend living with me when I'm going to marry someone else!" he screams at Logan, his body getting hot, anger flashing in his eyes.

Logan stares at Kendall in bewilderment. He can't believe what he is hearing.

_That's not possible…_

"Yes, I'm marrying someone else. So good bye Logan," Kendall calmly says as he turns around and slams the door shut, not giving a single glance at the agonizing boy.

At hearing the slamming of the door, Logan comes to his senses, Kendall's words finally sink all the way in and he breaks down. He falls onto the door, sliding downwards into a kneeling position as he cries.

"Kendall…no…please…don't…I…I…I love you…." he chokes out as he punctuates each word with a bang on the door.

However, Kendall doesn't care, as Logan's banging slows down, feeling his body going weak from sobbing so hard, he turns around, leaning against the wall, and sits there. He stares at his bags, still lying in the walkway, and the image of Kendall throwing them out comes to mind. He stands up wiping his tears on his sleeve, and gathers his bags before walking mindlessly down the walkway and turning onto the sidewalk. He figures he should head home, only to remember he doesn't have one to return to.

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><p>James drives around Kendall's neighbourhood, trying to locate his devastated friend. Earlier in the afternoon, he went to find Kendall and tries to discuss with Kendall on what he can do to help Logan, only to find that Kendall has kicked Logan out of the house and has no idea where he is.<p>

"Stupid Kendall. He knows Logan has nowhere else to go. He knows that Logan loves him so much that he sold his house just to move in with him, yet he still kicked Logan out. That son of a…argh," James slams his hand on the steering wheel, unable to swear at Kendall due to the frustration building up to the point of explosion.

_Logan where are you? …Please be safe… Please be safe… Argh… Kendall… You…_

James steers towards the sidewalk before slamming his foot on the brakes, abruptly stopping the car. He screams in agony because he can't find Logan anywhere, searching for the past two hours, only to get nothing, not even a hint of where he could be.

He sets his car on P, parking his car just outside of a school playground, and sighs. He runs his fingers through his brown hair, pushing his bangs backwards as he opens the door and steps out. He closes the door behind him, staring at the sunset, as he breathes in the cold air, seemingly calming his agitating nerves.

He sees a swing set, and mindlessly walks towards it, settling down in one of the seats and starts to swing. The cold air blows across his face as he moves back and front, clearing his mind. He swings for a while, enjoying the moment, when his ears pick up a faint cry. He slows his swinging, hopping out when he swings to a stop, and slowly walks towards the sound. He isn't sure if that sound is a cry, yet his instincts tell him to follow the sound because at the end of the trail, he just might find the person he is looking for. He proceeds cautiously towards the swirly slide, careful not to startle whatever is inside. He hovers over the slide, leaning over to peek inside and sure enough, sitting in the bent part of the slide is Logan.

"Hey buddy," James says as he steps inside the slide, bending his body in a weird angle, so he can reach Logan.

"Hey James," Logan responds, barely lifting his eyes to look at the brunette. He knows the brunette will eventually find him, no matter where he is, James will always find him.

"Logan, I heard what happened," James starts, not sure how to continue a serious conversation in a swirly slide, he decides to reach out to pull Logan out of the slide with him, only to cause Logan to shuffle back up the slide, moving out of James's reaching distance. James struggles to get further up the slide, but his height limits his access, arms and legs tangling together, body blocking the exit.

"Oh…what… is… this? Logan!" he groans as he tries to free his left arm from his hip, so he can reach out to Logan.

Sighing as to why James even tries to talk to him in this state, Logan finally looks at James just in time to see the groaning boy shifting upside down in the slide; his head bent to almost touch his left knee , and his right arm reaching out to flick at Logan's shoes. Logan stares at the struggling boy, unable to determine how he should response to James' position, because really, who has seen a grown man gets stuck in a slide before?

James continues to struggle, his fingers reaching up to pull on Logan's shoelaces, causing Logan to crack a smile at the sight. Logan chuckles as James moves upwards, tugging his pant legs, and Logan laughs hard, despite his happiness is due to the sight of his friend's pain. It's just too funny.

"Logan, can we please get out of this thing, so we can talk properly," James whines as he shifts his body again, his left arm going numb from support his body weight.

"No, there's nothing to talk about James. He kicked me out," Logan responds, his smile turning into a frown.

"Aw come on Logan! Please? This hurts," James whines again, pouting slightly, as he tugs Logan's pants again. Logan smiles at the sight, unable to fight how cute James looks right now.

"Alright, stop pouting! You look like a lost puppy that has found their owner, only to find out he's a stranger," Logan points out as he slides down a bit and pushes James out with his feet. It takes Logan several shoves to push James' knees into position and a large amount of James' efforts to not shout profanity words at the helping boy, to reach the point of both boys sliding out of the slide, and on their feet.

James lets of a breath, happy to get out of the horrid slide, slides his fingers through his hair, then smoothes the creases on his clothes. Logan raises his eyebrows at the tall brunette, wondering how someone can hate a swirly slide, before turning around and attempts to scoot back up the slide again. However, James is quick with his movements, and grabs the shorter boy by the arm, half dragging him towards his car, passing by a tree where Logan's bags are located.

"James! Let go of me this instant!" Logan screams, struggling against James' vice like grip, but the tall boy ignores Logan's screams, not caring if anyone considers this as kidnapping, and drags the poor boy all the way to his car. James shoves the screaming boy into the car, and ties Logan's hands together with the seatbelt, before walking back towards the playground. He grabs Logan's bags, bringing them to the car and swiftly throwing them into the trunk. Then he proceeds towards the driver's seat, stepping into the car and locking all the doors.

"Free me this instant! I swear James Issac Diamond, if you don't free me now I will… I will…" Logan shouts, his wrists turning red from all the struggling.

"You will what? Get Kendall to come and beat me up?" James retorts, smirking at the now silent boy. Logan's shoulders slum at hearing Kendall's name, his arms slacking to a stop, and his head hanging.

Regretting that he said Kendall's name, James unties Logan, and lifts Logan's chin to look into Logan's big brown eyes. He opens his mouth to say something, stopping when Logan furrows his eyebrows and his lips forming a pout as he looks back at the warming hazel eyes. James rolls his eyes in defeat as he pulls Logan into a hug, wrapping his long arms around Logan's waist pulling him into his warm embrace.

"You know, I really want to say I told you so, Hortense Logan Mitchell. I really do," James mumbles, as he tightens his grip. Logan scowls at himself for making his only friend upset. Logan slowly pats James' back, comforting the brunette, unsure of what to say.

_Maybe... just maybe… it's time to move on…_

Logan hesitates, not fully sure if this is what he wants, yet he wants to make the brunette to be happy again, "You know what James, let's go hit the ice. I think it's time I do something that doesn't involve Kendall."

James grins at the word ice, as he straps Logan in his seat, afraid he will run away once he releases him. Logan forces a smile back, not really up for a hockey game, but leans back into his seat to show James that he isn't going anywhere. Satisfy that Logan really wants to spend time with him on the ice, James starts the car, and off they go towards the nearest skating rink.

The ride to the skating rink is quiet; Logan's mind continuously steering towards Kendall, wondering what he is doing at the moment. Mindlessly, his hand slides into his pocket, fingers wrapping around his phone, his thumb sliding across the screen. He steals a look at James, noting the brunette's eyes are on the road; he takes out his phone and pretends to return a text message when indeed he is texting Kendall again.

_Kendall, I'm sorry. You know I love you, and if you need me I'll be…_

The phone slips out of Logan's hands before he types the word there.

"What?" Logan freaks, eyes darting to see where his phone went. His eyes land on the tan fingers wrap around his phone, slowly sliding out of sight as the phone slips into James' pocket.

"Tonight it is just you and me Logie, you can have your phone back tomorrow," James states as he reaches over and ruffles Logan's hair. Logan pouts at the lost and the fact that he is getting a messy hairdo, but grateful that James has stopped him, helping him move on.

They finally reach the skate rink, James parking the car while Logan goes inside to rent some skates. Logan turns around with two pairs of skates just in time to see James walking towards him with the hockey gear.

"You have two sets of hockey gear?" Logan asks, knowing the brunette always carries a set around, but not two.

"I had a feeling you might need them," James replies, handing over Logan's gear in turn for his skates.

Logan chuckles at how James can read him so easily, knowing his thoughts before he can think of them. They walk off to change and skate into the rink. They start to play a short game of hockey, passing the puck towards each other, occasionally scoring into each other's goal. They even argue on who's the better skater, throwing their hockey sticks aside, and randomly skating around to see who is faster or more creative with their feet. At last, both of them are tired from all the silliness, and start to retreat home.

When James parks his car in his driveway, he turns to his right to see a sleeping Logan. A smile spreads across James' face as Logan shifts in his seat, little snores coming from his mouth.

"You're cute when you're asleep, did you know that?" James whispers as he reaches over to unlock Logan's seatbelt. James' hand slides across Logan's cheek when he slowly pushes the seatbelt back. That's when James notices how close he is, his breath practically streaking Logan's face. Mesmerize, James brings his hand to Logan's face, traces his index finger along Logan's eyebrows, feeling the little hair tickling his finger. He holds his breath as he shifts his hand to touch Logan's cheeks. His thumb slides across the soft skin, feeling how warm it is. His palm cups the side of Logan's chin as his thumb rubs across Logan's smooth lips.

_If only you can forget him…_

Logan stirs, making James bounce back, afraid that Logan will wake up. When the black haired boy stays asleep; James exhales deeply before stepping out of the car to take the stuff out of the trunk and into his house. He walks back out to retrieve Logan, carrying him inside the house and placing him in the guest room's bed. He gentle lays Logan's head onto a pillow before reaching over to grab the blanket.

"Kendall…" Logan mumbles, as he grips James' sleeve, stopping the brunette. James sighs, sitting at the edge of the bed, slowly tugging the blanket over Logan's body with his other arm. Logan shifts his body as the blanket rests on him, causing James to fall onto bed, lying beside Logan. James quickly scrambles into a sitting position, getting ready to move out of the bed, only to have Logan pulling him into a warm embrace, snuggling into the taller boy's chest. James sighs again, knowing this will turn out bad in the morning, but reluctant to remove himself now that Logan is in his arms. He snuggles closer to Logan, sighing in content when Logan tightens his grip, welcoming the brunette.

"Good night Logie," James whispers, placing a kiss on Logan's forehead.

"Good night Kendall," Logan mumbles, and even though James wishes Logan to say his name, he smiles knowing Logan is happy tonight.

* * *

><p>Logan wakes up into a sitting position, knocking something from his chest, and gasps for air. His chest heaves up and down, sweat dripping down his forehead, as he takes in his surroundings. The room is painted with a faint peach colour, a white colour ceiling, and white curtains hanging on the windows. A single bright ray of sun shines through the curtains inching its way up towards the face of the person beside him. Logan shrieks at the sight of someone sleeping beside him, waking the still sleeping man.<p>

"WHAT! WHERE'S THE FIRE?" James yells, hands rubbing his eyes, as he wakes up from a deep, sweet sleep. Logan looks, shock that the man is James, and laughs at the sight.

"Oh, ah, good morning buddy, um, why are you in my bed?" Logan asks as he lifts the blanket to check if his clothes are still on. Even though he knows James will never take advantage of him, it still feels better knowing they didn't do anything last night, but lay in bed together.

"You just can't wake up like most ordinary people do, can you Logan? You just have to wake up screaming like a monkey," James groans, falling back into bed and pulling the blanket over his head.

"Hey you would have freaked out too if you find someone in bed with you," Logan retorts, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks.

"Yeah, but if you've looked and see that your best bud is sleeping beside you, you wouldn't have freaked, and besides, I didn't do anything," James whines, tossing in bed, trying to fall back asleep.

Logan chuckles, his left hand releasing its grip on the blanket and moving over to James' side. Swiftly, Logan slaps his hand across James' ass successfully waking up the brunette to full alert.

"Ow! What was that for?" James shouts, face in pain as he rubs his bottom.

"That's for confiscating my phone yesterday, and besides we need to get to class," Logan replies, getting out of bed, "Come on! Get up! I'll make breakfast."

James perks up at the word breakfast, knowing the shorter boy does wonders in the kitchen. He quickly gets ready for school, finally settling down for breakfast.

Logan sets down a plate of pancakes adding butter, syrup, honey, strawberries and blueberries on top. James raises his eyebrows, amuse that someone can eat pancakes with so many toppings, and looks at Logan who has walked away to pour a glass of chocolate milk.

"Ah… Logan?" James calls, as he pushes the fruits off of his pancakes.

"Yes Ken-," Logan starts, but clears his throat and continues, "I mean, um, James?"

"Yeah that me Logan, James. You know I'm allergic to berries," James states, frowning slightly as he switches Logan's plate of pancakes for his.

"Sorry, I got use to serving pancakes that way," Logan replies, giving James a weak smile as he settles down to eat his breakfast.

"It's ok, just don't accidently or purposely try to poison me again. I don't look good with a puffy face," James says, winking at the black-haired boy.

"Besides, you survived one night without him so I forgive you," James continues as he hands Logan's phone to the other. Logan eagerly takes his phone, wanting to see if he has any miss calls from Kendall, only to set it on the table. It's safer to not get the brunette's bad side that early in the morning.

"Well, I've decided to move on, so I guess last night was a good start," Logan chuckles, remembering last night. The tension in the room eases, and they both start to chat about random things while enjoying Logan's wonderful pancakes.

However, Logan occasionally glancing at his phone, shifting in his seat as if he is sitting on nails. He tries to focus on cutting his pancakes, but his fingers itch furiously, the need to touch his phone growing painfully hard to ignore. Finally, James stands up to wash his plate and leaving the room to get his things. Logan quickly checks his phone to find nothing. He sighs as he puts the phone in his pocket, getting up to wash his dishes, and getting ready for school.

_Letting go is harder than I thought…_

* * *

><p>A couple of weeks pass by, and Logan walks into a small café near campus, happy to step out of the cold and get himself something warm to drink. He orders a large hot chocolate with whipping cream on top, making him warm and fluffy inside just thinking about it, and a large chocolate chip cookie to go with the heart warming drink. He settles down in a booth, and opens his laptop, intending to check up on Kendall. Logan chuckles when Kendall's face shows up on his wallpaper, eyes glistening with joy, glad that he saved his laptop from his tall friend's evil grasp.<p>

Over the past few weeks, James has been trying to take Logan's mind off of Kendall, constantly confiscating Logan's phone whenever Logan attempts to get in touch with Kendall. James even takes up the role of being Logan's personal entertainer, randomly showing up out of nowhere to spend time with him, dragging him to random places around town right when class is over, and constantly nagging him to study with him when they are at home. One time, James even burst through the bathroom door to see if Logan is actually taking a shower and not hiding inside so he can call Kendall. Let's just say, that night did not turn out well for James.

Logan chuckles at the memories, glad that his friend is doing so much to help him get over Kendall, but Logan just can't get over Kendall. Logan looks at Kendall's picture, his fingers running down the screen, trying to recall the feeling of Kendall's skin. Spontaneously, Logan digs into his pocket, pulling out his phone and dials Kendall's phone number. Just when he is about the press the call button, a young woman walks up to him, and taps his shoulder.

"Logan?" the woman asks, unsure if the man in the booth is who she thinks he is.

Upon hearing his name, Logan quickly slams the laptop close, looking up at the person calling his name, eyes changing from panic to innocence. It has become Logan's well trained reaction, having developing it each time James calls him when he's just about to give a phone call to Kendall.

Instead of seeing James, Logan sees a petite girl with long brown hair and big brown eyes staring back at him. She's slender in size, height approximately two inches shorter than Logan, yet she has this indescribable vibe surrounding her, ordinary yet special.

_She seems familiar…_

Still standing at the edge of the booth, the girl asks for Logan's name again.

"Um, yes, I'm Logan, how may I help you?" Logan asks, looking at her.

Upon hearing Logan's confirmation, she quickly slips into the seat across from Logan, removing her backpack from her shoulder and rummages through her bag.

"Um, just a minute, I'm Leah by the way," the girl replies as she turns her bag upside down letting everything inside spread across the table. Logan quickly grabs his laptop, jumping back as Leah's notebooks nearly crush his dear laptop.

"Who are you?" Logan gasps, as Leah starts flipping her notebooks, checking the contents.

She doesn't answer until she finds what she is looking for – a white letter with the words Logan Mitchell written on it.

"Here," she says as she hands the letter to Logan.

Logan hesitantly takes the letter, opening it to reveal a wedding invitation. He opens it and inside says the words,

_Together with their parents, Kendall Donald Knight and Leah Paige Anderson, request the pleasure of your company at the celebration of their wedding._

Logan's mouth drops, his eyes wide with shock as he exchanges from glancing at the girl in front of him to reading the invitation. He can't believe he is invited to Kendall's wedding, and not only that but by the bride! How cruel can fate be?

"I've seen you a couple of times at Kendall's house, and he said you are his roommate, so I figure you must be very close to Kendall in order for him to mention you so many times," Leah chuckles, Logan's expression turning from shock to amusement.

Logan smiles politely as Leah continue to talk about Kendall, how they meet, how they fell in love, how they decide to get married. She had the happiest smile Logan can ever imagine, and this is all because she is in love with Kendall. He shifts in his seat, not wanting to interrupt, yet his heart aches with each word coming out of Leah's mouth.

_It should have been me telling her all this…_

Just when Logan thinks he cannot handle Leah anymore, and decides to excuse himself from her, Leah's phone rings. Logan quickly packs his things, getting ready to leave without saying good bye, when he catches the caller to be Kendall.

"Hello? Oh hey Kendall. What? You are? You're outside? Oh, ok, I'll be right there. I love you," Leah says, a red blush forming on her cheeks, as a sweet honey feeling washes over her heart.

Logan looks outside, and there standing in the parking lot is Kendall. His slender body is leaning against his black Bentley, both hands in his pocket. He's wearing a thick woolly gray scarf, a black pea coat and blue skinny jeans, his blond hair flying gentle in the wind. Slowly, Logan leans on the window, absorbing every inch of Kendall, a tear trickling down his cheek.

_He's here, he's really here… _

"So I have to go now, but Logan I really hope you can make it to our wedding. I think it will mean a lot to Kendall," Leah says as she gathers her things, rising up to walk away. Logan wipes away his tear, sniffling a little as he turns around to face Leah.

"I'll be there," Logan replies, eyes shining with anticipation.

"Great. I'll see you around Logan," Leah says, waving goodbye, and walking away.

"Yeah, see you around," Logan says, as he looks outside in time to see Leah walking out the door and running up to Kendall, hugging him. Already, he can hear James' voice sounding in the background, telling him how stupid he is, who in the world will go to their ex-boyfriend's wedding when they are trying to forget about him, how he cannot understand Logan's actions, that he should have been there to stop him before he said yes, and such and such. Yet Logan ignores all that as he continues looking at Kendall and Leah, how in love they are, until they drive away from the café. Trying to retain the cheer within, Logan gathers the remainder of his things and starts to head home, where he needs to deal with a soon to be angry James.

* * *

><p>"HORTENSE LOGAN MITCHELL!"<p>

Logan cringes at the yelling of his full name. He turns around to see a fuming James storming towards him, his face red with anger, arms flying as he screams, hand gripping the white invitation card.

"WHAT IS THIS? HOW COULD YOU? ARE YOU GOING? WHY DO THIS? LOGAN!" James questions as he waves the invitation in front of Logan's face.

With each question, Logan steps back a bit, moving along the wall until he reaches a corner. He isn't sure how James finds the invitation when he is still deciding where to place it for the brunette to find, and why the brunette is fuming with anger.

_It's just a wedding…with Kendall as the groom…yeah maybe he should be against it._

"James! It's just a wedding invitation, and to tell you the truth, I didn't ask Kendall for one ok? The bride, Leah, saw me this morning at the café we always go to, and she thought I'm Kendall's friend and asked if I can attend, that's all," Logan shrugs, as he looks for a way out of this corner of the living room.

"And you said yes?" James asks, eyebrows furrowing as he glares daggers at Logan.

Logan hesitates, not willing to answer him, squirms around in the corner, finally finding a way out. He quickly ducks down and crawls through James' legs, before getting up and running for his life.

"Logan Mitchell, you get back here! I'm not finished with you yet!" James shouts, as he turns around and runs after the escaping boy.

They run around the room, avoiding the couch, occasionally tripping over a table leg, and barely knocking over the light stand or crashing into the television set. Logan is starting to lose control over his body, adrenaline slowly ceasing, muscles starting to ache from running so much. Logan's pace slows down, allowing James to reach out and grab his shirt, pulling the boy back towards him. Logan flushes right into James' chest, the hard impact causes both of them to fall down on the floor, Logan flying on top of James.

"Ow! Stay still Logan," James groans as he wraps his arms around Logan's waist, holding on to the squirming boy.

"James let go!" Logan whines, squirming to push himself out of James' grasp.

"Not until you answer my question!" James yells, tightening his grip.

"…FINE! I SAID YES OK! YES! NOW LET GO OF ME!" Logan shouts, staying still. James releases Logan, arms going slack beside his body, the answer stunning him. Logan quickly pushes himself up, straightening his clothes as he walks to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water.

"You're really going?" James whispers, getting up and settling down on the couch. Logan walks over and sits beside James, handing him a glass of water.

James eagerly drinks down the fluid, also exhausted from all the chasing, a tired look shown on his face.

They sit in silence, neither wanting to continue the conversation, yet they need to, in order to reassure each other's concerns. After a long pause, both boys fidgeting in their seats, Logan answers James.

"I'm going."

"You sure?"

"Yes. I'm going even if you stop me, I'm going."

"I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I know, and I will, but I need this James. I need to see Kendall one last time."

James turns his gaze from the floor and aims his focus on Logan. Logan's head is hanging, his hair messy from struggling earlier, hands griping tightly around each other, trying not to break down. His face looks tired, not from running, but from all the hidden pain he's been hiding for James' sake. Slowly, he wraps his right arm around Logan's shoulder, pulling him into a one sided hug. He slides his hand up and down Logan's arm, comforting the miserable boy. Feeling the comfort, Logan slightly turns to wrap both arms around James' waist, pulling him closer, muffling his sobs on James' chest.

"I'll go with you," James says, raising his left arm and wrapping it around Logan's waist.

"What?" Logan cries, sniffling as he wipes his tears on his sleeve.

"I'll go with you. To the wedding. I'll accompany you."

"James, it's unnecessary, I can do it."

"I insist."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

Logan release James' waist, and shifts his body so he can leans his head on James' shoulder. With his left hand, James reaches for the remote and turns on the television to find the current channel playing the movie "Crazy, Stupid, Love". They both chuckle at the irony of the title, but neither tries to change the channel. They watch for a bit, laughing at some of the scenes, when Logan suddenly speaks up.

"Alright," Logan says, as he tries to keep his eyes open.

"Alright," James replies, as he pulls a quilt over the both of them. Soon his head leans on top of Logan's, eyes too tired to continue watching the movie, both drifting off to a peaceful sweet dream.

* * *

><p>Kendall Knight paces back and front as he nibs on his thumb unable to concentrate on anything except the person name Logan Mitchell.<p>

_Why is he on the guest list? How did he get on it? I don't remember inviting him..._

He stops pacing, walking towards the door in attempt to find the bride and ask her for answers. However, instead of finding the bride, Kendall bumps into his mother, who is about to step inside.

"Kendall, what's wrong with you? Nervous?" Mrs. Knight grins as she takes Kendall's hand and walks him towards a mirror. She straightens his black suit, makes sure the bowtie isn't lopsided and tucks the pink rose boutonniere flower inwards so it doesn't drop out.

"You look like you just had a nervous breakdown," Mrs. Knight continues, taking a tissue to wipe the sweat from Kendall's forehead, and then combing his hair back into style.

"I guess I am Mom. This is really happening," Kendall lies, not willing to tell his mother Logan is coming. He secretly prays that Logan doesn't show up.

"Well it is dear, and we need to take some pictures of you and your big day! Now stop sweating and enjoy it," she chuckles as she drags Kendall out of the room and towards the church doors to greet the guests.

The photographers snap picture after picture making sure to get every angle of Kendall's big day. Kendall greets each guest that passes him by; making sure that none of them is Logan. He smiles brightly during pictures and occasionally exchanges a few words with the best man.

_It's almost time for the wedding and he hasn't shown up yet..._

Kendall smiles a heartfelt smile, concluding that Logan isn't showing up. However, his first heartfelt smile falls slightly as Logan and James step out of their car, walking side by side and up the stairs to greet him.

"Welcome," Kendall greets, shaking James' hand.

"Congratulations," James replies as he let's go, stepping aside to reveal a slightly nervous Logan.

"Hey Logan, thanks for coming," Kendall greets with courtesy, hoping Logan will not cause a scene.

"Congratulations Kendall, you're really getting married," Logan replies taking Kendall's hand. Kendall reluctantly shakes it, Logan's heart fluttering a little at the long lost touch. He stands there stun that Kendall's touch hasn't changed, still warm and comforting, even though Kendall is only giving him a swift shake of the hand before letting go. However, Logan resists letting go, Kendall's touch overwhelming him with so many feelings.

"Haha, it's nice to meet you too," Kendall says loudly, giving Logan's hand another quick shake. Yet Logan seems to be in his own little world, enjoying the touch a little too much. Nervous that someone will see Logan unwilling to let it go of him, Kendall turns around and pulls Logan inside the church and into the nearest room, James hurrying after them.

Once inside, Kendall slams the door shut, the door barely missing James' leg.

"Why are you here?" Kendall hiss, his voice leaking with hatred.

"I... I just..." Logan starts, never been able to say anything when Kendall uses that voice.

"Leah invited him, I just came along for support," James replies causally sitting on the sofa, making himself comfortable.

Kendall eyes the tall brunette, wondering if he is lying or not. He looks at Logan squirming as he stands in the middle of the room, suspicion growing with each fidget.

"There's no way you could have met Leah," Kendall retorts, his hands balling to fists. He can't believe Logan is here to ruin his special day.

"It's true. I met her at the cafe shop near campus; the one you picked her up at a few days ago... The person she was talking to... It was me..." Logan confirms, shifting his feet.

Kendall slowly releases his fists, settling down on a chair. He looks at Logan, and then James, and then back at Logan. His green eyes soften, knowing they will not cause any trouble, giving an understanding nod. He smiles remembering how hard he try to forget about Logan, to move on with his life, marrying someone else, and yet, fate brings them together again, to face the one thing Kendall does not want to face.

"Well, I better get going. The wedding is about to start," Kendall replies as he gets up and heads towards the door.

"Wait, I have something I want to ask you," Logan says, reaching out and grabbing Kendall's arm.

"What is it?" Kendall asks, his back facing Logan.

"Do you love Leah?"

"Yes."

"Does she make you happy?"

"Yes."

"Have you ever loved me?"

"Yes."

"That is all."

"That's it?"

"Yes."

Kendall turns around, green eyes staring into brown. Logan's desperate, pain, hurt eyes have change into the once loving, warm eyes. The same ones he fell in love with in the first place. Kendall wraps his arms around Logan, pulling him into a hug.

"Thank you."

"I love you."

"I know."

"Good bye Kendall."

"Good bye Logan."

And Kendall releases Logan, opening the door and heading out to marry his bride.

"So that's it?" James asks, looking at Logan as Kendall leaves the room.

"What's that's it?" Logan asks, as he grabs the brunette by the hand and leading him into the chapel, just in time for the bride to walk down the hall towards the groom.

"You and Kendall," James whispers. Logan ignores James as the officiant says his speech.

"Have you notice that Kendall picked a dark pink rose as his boutonniere flower," Logan questions, pointing at the pink bud sticking on suits of the groom, the best man and all the other guys.

"Pink rose? Doesn't that stand for pain and suffer?" James asks, wondering why Kendall picks such a terrible flower for a wedding.

"In roman mythology yes, but nowadays it stands for gratitude, thankful that the special someone has made a mark in your life," Logan replies as he watches Kendall say his vows, and kisses the bride.

"Well?" James asks, as the groom and bride exit the church.

"I guess this is it, for real," Logan says as he watches Kendall and Leah step into the limousine, riding towards the wedding reception.

"Sure hope so."

"Yet there's this voice that tells me this can't be happening."

"Logan~,"

"I know, yet this pain won't go away..."

"..."

"James?" Logan asks looking towards the quiet brunette. Just when Logan's eyes stare into James' hazel ones, James leans in and kisses Logan.

_What is going on?_

Logan stares at the brunette, his cheeks turning red. He doesn't want to push James away and cause a scene, so he closes his eyes. The kiss is sweet, slow, and passionate. James leans back breaking the kiss as Logan's eyes fluttering open.

"James, I..." Logan mumbles, his brain malfunctioning from the sudden kiss.

"Don't say it," James huffs as he walks to his car.

"But," Logan says, running after him.

"Don't. I know what you are going to say, and I respect that. I understand that he will always be a part of you, as part of your memories, your life, your history and even a place in your heart because he was once a very special person. And now you just need time to find someone who can accept all this and take the chance to make them your special someone. I'm willing to wait Logan, because time heals, it always does."

"You're lying... Time doesn't heal."

"It does if you are willing to let you heart heal."

"..."

"Now, why don't we get a snack before going to the party?" James asks, winking at the shorter boy.

"Hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies?" Logan responds, eyes sparkling with anticipation.

"Sure, come on!" James cheers, as both boys hop into the car, driving away.

Logan rolls down the window, looking at the blue sky as the sun shines down. He shades his eyes, breathing the cold air, a small smile creeping up his face. He isn't sure if he will ever get over Kendall, but he's willing to try, because it's time to say good bye.

* * *

><p><em>Moving on… Letting go… Saying goodbye…<em>

All I can think of is heartbreak. It hurts, it burns, it kills me in ways that I cannot describe, but I ask for this because that way I can never forget about you. You choose to move on, find someone else to love, leaving me here, vulnerable and terrified. Now that you've gain happiness, is it possible for me to find the same happiness? Maybe, just maybe, it's time for me to move on too, to let go, to say goodbye.

* * *

><p><strong>And THAT PEOPLE is the end of my first slash story! yeah yeah I know I said in my profile my favourite pair is Kogan and I will never write a slash story because it just doesn't work with my brain...SO if this story does not make you feel sad, angry, happy, sweet like honey inside I understand, and you can blame xxxkia for making me fall in love with Jagan and writing this slash. (P.S. I love you xxxkia no matter what I say xP)<strong>

**Also, if you do notice throughout the story James is kind of acting like Kendall it's because I first wrote it as a Kogan but then xxxkia and I wanted a Jagan so I switched the names lol hope it still worked out fine! The ending is kind of lame but I don't know how to improve it because I've never been in love before (yes yes I'm a loser hence the story writing!) so having finished this story really surprised me. **

**Anyways Review, Favourite, Flame, Flaunt, Bash, do whatever you want to tell me how you feel about this story as I return to listening to the heartbreak song that made me write this story in the first place. (This time it's a Chinese song so yeah no lyrics no credit needed :P) Yeah, this is inspired by yet another song that is stuck in my head, but I enjoy this song way too much and this time it won't go away! It's permanently stuck! X( **

**Newbie OUT!**


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